I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
