Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i drank out of a bidet.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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