He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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