her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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