cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
