I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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