you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
