Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
