it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
