I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
