An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
