Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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