Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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