You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
