so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
