The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
