i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
