Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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