Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
