Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
