Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
