fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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