Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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