After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you didnt know i had herpes?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
