Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
