I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The Olympian is in my bed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
