On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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