he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
