After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have fence marks all over my body
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
