im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
