It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
