he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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