Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
