this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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