did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
