If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
