went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
