Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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