I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
