Non-Jews are for practice
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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