You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
