He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He passed out mid-signature
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
