i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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