Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
