its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
