WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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