do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
