Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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