Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
