i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
