just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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