I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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